• Enza Smith MBE

My dear child..

We shared the same genetic pool the day you were conceived, sadly the people chosen to be your parents were unable to take care of you the way they should. I had become selfish in my own life, a free spirit beginning to enjoy things with my new found freedom. One knock at the door/a hurried phone call altered my path in life as I became like a rabbit caught in headlights as I approached a very unexpected crossroads in my life-would I consider sharing my life with you? How would I cope as I am far from a spring chicken? How could I give you everything you need?

I came to visit you and my heart skipped a beat, I reached out to you and static sealed our connection, you smiled, I smiled and I thought OMG can I really do this? I knew it would be a hard battle dealing with social services, the courts and all the legal circus, I would have to jump through hoops, have all my life laid bare for strangers to scrutinise, examine the logistics and look at my financial situation (Ha!! What financial situation, all savings were swallowed up in the process so it was back to basics!). But your happiness was a fight worth having, your safety was paramount and you became the centre of my world. The process was a whole new learning curve, it was confusing and exhausting, it was invasive and argumentative, it was soul destroying and pedantic but we got there in the end.

I know that we need to work through some things, I know the ground is still stoney and daily challenges could possibly take our breathe away. I know that I might go grey early and sigh a lot but I also know that we will take this journey into the unknown together and we will find a path that works for us even if it’s not conventional. I am committed to you and I love you just as much as the children who were born to me. You are such a special child, I love you so much it hurts, I will always be with you.

And my dear, dear child thank you for sharing your life with me, for helping me understand a different perspective of being truly alive. thank you for keeping my heart beating (albeit too fast at times), and most of all Thank you for loving me!

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